I only find my girlfriend attractive when I’m drunk. I’m totally in love with her and would never think of cheating, but after five years together things have become stale in the bedroom. I’m just so used to seeing her all the time I no longer want to have sex with her as often as she does with me. When I’ve had a few drinks I’m more amorous with her, but it’s gotten to the point now where I can’t have sex with her unless I’m drunk.
Please help! David.
Hey David, what a difficult situation. Attraction is a big part of any romantic relationship so I believe it’s really important that you work on this. The main question you have to ask yourself is has your love towards her become more like the love you have for a friend, or is it still the love you have for a partner but this aspect of the relationship needs work?
Because these are two very different kinds of relationships. Firstly, I think you should think about some new ways that you could spice up your relationship and see if this helps you to create more excitement which may lead to you seeing her in a different light.
If you try this and still don’t find her attractive sober I think you need to consider how important this is to you and your relationship and if it is important, consider whether she is still the right person for you.
Don’t fear though, I think if you put the time and effort in to spice things up a bit, your relationship will grow from this and become stronger. However, if this still doesn’t work and you decide you need to move on, don’t beat yourself up about it, you can’t help how you feel but you must be mindful of her feelings when discussing this so you do not affect her confidence and self-esteem.
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What’s the best way to let someone know that you’re not interested. I went to a wedding recently and sat next to this guy who was really lovely, but ultimately I don’t fancy him at all. We spent the whole day chatting and laughing and even had a little dance in the evening.
A couple days later he text me asking me out for a drink. I said I’m busy, so he messaged again a week later. My mum says I should just go on a date with him anyway, but he’s really not my type at all. So how do i tell him I don’t fancy him without hurting his feelings, but making it clear I don’t like him like that? Thanks, Poppy
Hey Poppy, it sounds like you had a really lovely time at the wedding and enjoyed each other’s company. Perhaps you should go for a drink with him and take it from there? If he tries to romantically advance you or shows more signs that he wants to be more than friends and you still aren’t feeling it, politely let him know that you don’t see him like that in a mindful but direct way.
You could end up going and having a really nice time as you did at the wedding and making a really good friend, or your feelings towards him may even change. Either way what have you got to lose?
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