Now here’s an essential life skill we all need to master – how to raise the alarm using Twitter in a kidnap situation while also appearing to be acting completely normal.
If you were kidnapped and were being forced to tweet so things appeared normal, what would you tweet to alert us you need help?
— 𝙨𝙘𝙤𝙧𝙣𝙝𝙪𝙗 💋 (@bellegenerico_) February 10, 2019
And yet the question prompted no end of ingenious and often hilarious responses. Here are our favourites.
*Updated grocery list
Low fat milk
— Jesse Valentine 番 (@JesseVallejOWNS) February 10, 2019
I’m really enjoying this decaf coffee.
— Christopher Parker (@Bulldogwgr) February 11, 2019
I have nothing to complain about today. It’s been a very regular day that has not bothered me in any way shape or form.
— The Read Pile (@TheReadPile) February 10, 2019
I am finally happy, content, and found purpose in this world.
— charles garrett (@garrett_charles) February 10, 2019
You know what, I actually don’t really care much for my cat and I’m not going to post pictures of her or my dog any more.
— Ｌａｕｒｅｎ is near… (@boosegoose) February 11, 2019
“I think I might be straight”
— Ida Skibenes ❄️ (@ida_skibenes) February 11, 2019
About to sit down and watch my favorite show! I love The Big Bang Theory!!! Bajinga!!
— Lawrence of A Labia (@lex_about_sex) February 10, 2019
“I’ve been kidnapped and they’re holding me at <address>, this is not a joke.”
— Dave1307 (@Dave_1307) February 10, 2019
I would make a tweet that isn’t either a retweet or a response to someone else.
— Acienta Egars (@AcientaEgars) February 10, 2019
I would tweet:
President trump is the least racist, smartest genius President of all time.
Hopefully, you guys would know that either I’ve been hacked or I’m in SERIOUS need of help. 😂😂😂
— BrooklynDad_Defiant! (@mmpadellan) February 11, 2019
Actually, the President has a point
— Kate Nagy (@KateHoldsCourt) February 11, 2019
No need to get beer at the store, we have enough at home.
— Mark Hertling (@MarkHertling) February 12, 2019
I’ve decided to become vegetarian
— Dipodillus Lividus (@furiousgerbil) February 10, 2019
I have misplaced my hairbrush.
— Allan (@ACaomhanach) February 10, 2019
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